The first time I heard about the concept of fight or flight, the body's physiological response to perceived threats, was in high school psychology. It means to either confront the threat head-on (fight) or run away from it (flight).
I found out later there's actually a third response: freeze.
Freeze, A Personal Case Study
Freeze is what happens when neither fighting nor fleeing seems viable. Think about a deer standing in the road staring at the lights of an oncoming car about to hit it. The outcome isn't pretty.
Not too long ago it seemed I was being thrown just about everything that tested my resilience.
Every incident, from dealing with challenges at work to confronting friends to facing health emergencies with my parents to worldwide threats in the news left me feeling a little more deflated, a little less confident, and a little more insecure.
As the problems, fears, and concerns mounted, so did my uncertainty in my ability to handle them. Why? Because they were getting thrown my way one after the other, several simultaneously, without so much as a breather in between.
My chest began tightening. My breathing became increasingly shallower. My anxiety started ratcheting upward. The feeling of overwhelm soared past the upper limits of my limits.
And then it happened. I started shutting down and checking out. I avoided people if I could. I didn't want to get out of bed. I stopped believing in my ability to figure anything out.
And then a big 'ole shame storm hit me, which left me feeling further incapacitated.
Ghosts of the Past: Childhood Trauma Revisited
In this week's video I talk about the trauma I endured being teased and taunted in 7th grade math class and how it left me feeling unable to fight back or escape.
Whenever overwhelming situations go beyond what I believe I can control, my body, to this day, still takes me into total lockdown mode.
And it sometimes ends up taking days and even weeks to feel myself again.
This actually isn't strange for anyone who has been through a traumatic event or long-term stress situation, especially in childhood.
The body is adept at adaptation. And if playing "possum" is how you survive, well then, so be it.
Fortunately, one simple strategy got me on the road to feeling myself faster this time: observation.
I took note that something was happening to me. I backtracked to one or two inciting events that started the spiral.
This, combined with daily meditation and breathing exercises helped me take the babiest of baby steps that led me back to objectivity.
It may or may not be a revelation that the gay community is full of shell-shocked, traumatized adults trying to survive in an often openly hostile and threatening world — both inside and outside the community.
Fight, flight, and freeze are often daily realities whether we realize it or not.
But learning to manage responses like freeze can change some of those realities into new stories of growth, resilience, and, ultimately. connection and belonging.
Disclaimer:
The information and perspectives shared in my posts, articles, and videos are based on my personal experiences and reflections. I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or medical professional, and this content should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you are experiencing distress, depression, or mental health challenges, please reach out to a qualified professional who can provide the help you need.
For immediate support, contact a mental health provider or, if you are in crisis, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (available in the U.S.) or your local emergency number.