Gay Grit®️
Figuring things out takes time, patience, and effort. Discussing topics on self-care, resilience, and belonging for gay men.
Developing Gay Resilience
Being gay can be stressful. It takes emotional resilience to connect with others from a place of security and authenticity when feelings like fear, anxiety, loneliness, or insecurity flare up.
Building resilience is about developing an ability to recover from adverse situations and circumstances—real or perceived—and easily make adjustments when needed.
When you're gay, adversity can come from all sides. Family, friends, culture.
Sometimes adversity comes from within, like heavy bouts of self-doubt, negative rumination, and insecurity.
Other times adversity strikes from the outside through things like blatant rejection, bullying, even when you're being ghosted.
It takes courage, resolve and, and a fair degree of tenacity to hold your ground and honor your truth, especially when it contradicts what your family wants, society expects, religion tells you, or gay norms lead you to believe.
And resilience is the key to leading an authentic, fulfilling life no matter what comes your way or how challenging and unwelcoming it can feel or actually is.
Cultivating Inner Resilience
Beliefs
Understanding the beliefs that affect your thoughts and, in turn, influence your reactions and responses, is one of the first steps to taking back your power when it comes to dealing with things that come at you.
Questioning, assessing, and viewing beliefs under an objective light can serve to eventually slow down some of the "knee-jerk" responses, as well as potentially adopt newer, better, and more empowering ones.
Confidence
Taking charge of beliefs that often lead to negative reactions and responses can be helpful in building or improving confidence.
When you work on changing a long-held belief about yourself, people, or situations, you make different choices that support the new belief.
Different choices take you down different paths.
Different paths could end up leading you to better, more desired outcomes.
Whether or not you achieve your desired outcome, the process itself gives you a sense of agency. In many cases, agency can lead to greater feelings of confidence because you no longer feel helpless or like a victim.
Emotional Strength
True resilience is about building the kind of emotional strength that allows you to manage feelings like fear, anger, sadness, or frustration without becoming overwhelmed.
Emotional strength isn’t about ignoring or suppressing these feelings but learning to acknowledge, process, and channel them productively.
Embracing your emotions—both the uplifting and challenging ones—gives you the flexibility to face difficulties with clarity and composure.
It’s a practice that involves cultivating self-compassion, learning from setbacks, and allowing yourself the grace to feel without judgment.
Building emotional strength is essential for gay men navigating a world that may not always be accepting or understanding.
Navigating External Challenges
People and Relationships
Resilience isn’t just about handling your inner world; it’s also about managing relationships with those around you.
Not everyone you encounter will be supportive or understanding, and that’s okay. What matters is knowing how to set boundaries and recognizing when to step back from relationships that drain you or don’t align with your values.
Developing resilience means building a network of supportive relationships—people who respect and uplift you, people who inspire growth and encourage authenticity. These relationships become your anchor, giving you a safe space to thrive.
Learning to navigate challenging relationships, set healthy boundaries, and choose connections that support your journey is a fundamental part of sustaining resilience.
Culture, Society, and Institutions
Societal expectations, cultural norms, and institutional rules often impose limits on how we feel we should live our lives.
For gay men, these influences can create tension between being true to oneself and conforming to external standards.
Resilience means learning to push back against these limitations without compromising who you are.
While societal pressure can sometimes feel overwhelming, cultivating resilience helps you stay grounded in your truth.
This might involve questioning societal norms, advocating for inclusive changes, or simply refusing to let limiting expectations define you.
Resilience empowers you to be part of a change that reflects your values, creating a culture that’s inclusive and affirming for all.
Building and Sustaining Gay Resilience
Figuring out the difficult things requires you to hang in there especially when you:
- Feel like you’re never enough to fit in, have friends, find love.
- Deal with stuff like shame, insecurity or social anxiety.
- Can't find connection or community because everyone to you is cliquey, dodgy, “thirst-trappy,” too gay.
Frameworks
A solid framework for resilience combines self-awareness, adaptability, and proactive planning.
By understanding your values, setting boundaries, and practicing flexibility, you create a personalized approach to handling life’s challenges.
Resilience frameworks could include journaling practices, mental health routines, or self-reflection techniques that strengthen your sense of purpose and focus.
A resilience framework provides structure and helps you feel grounded, especially when external factors feel beyond your control.
Having a strategy for staying connected to yourself and your goals makes it easier to navigate adversity with confidence and grace.
Empowerment
Resilience and empowerment go hand in hand. Every time you overcome a challenge, you reinforce your inner strength.
Empowerment is about believing in your capacity to overcome obstacles, knowing you have the tools to manage difficult situations, and understanding that you are in control of your journey.
Empowerment also means giving yourself permission to live unapologetically, owning your identity, and asserting your boundaries.
Resilience isn’t just about enduring tough times; it’s about using every experience to grow and become more confident in who you are.
This sense of self-assurance allows you to lead with authenticity and find fulfillment, regardless of external circumstances.
Support
No one builds resilience alone. Support—whether it’s from friends, mentors, mental health professionals, or a community—is crucial in sustaining resilience over the long haul.
Having people who understand and accept you provides a source of strength, validation, and comfort.
When challenges arise, knowing you have a support system in place makes it easier to stay grounded and focused.
Creating a network of support gives you the freedom to grow, explore, and face life’s ups and downs with a safety net. This might mean joining a LGBTQ+ networking or support group, participating in community activities, or seeking therapy.
Support reminds you that you don’t have to face everything alone, and it reinforces the resilience you’re building every day.
Disclaimer:
The information and perspectives shared in my posts, articles, and videos are based on my personal experiences and reflections. I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or medical professional, and this content should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you are experiencing distress, depression, or mental health challenges, please reach out to a qualified professional who can provide the help you need.
For immediate support, contact a mental health provider or, if you are in crisis, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (available in the U.S.) or your local emergency number.