Facing rejection can be tough, but when it's fueled by dismissive or minimizing remarks, it can feel even more distressing.
I felt inspired to do a video about it after someone left a comment about reframing gay rejection.
The comment was, "Why is rejection worse as a gay man than any other person?"
I initially reacted with an eyeroll, but then I got to thinking about it and practiced a little of my own reframing.
Everyone feels rejection differently and with different intensity, depending on things like life experiences, present circumstances, who the rejection is coming from, what the person or experience means to you, and the context of the scenario (for example, chatting on an app, online dating, cultural commentary, something in the news, etc.).
Rejection will always be unique to the person dealing with it.
Whether the person commenting on my video was curious, resentful, being judgmental, or attempting to minimize what gay rejection really felt like, I brainstormed a list of my "personal favorites."
I had fun with it, and even found a way to mention my Grandma!
More Than Just a Casual Remark
Dismissive comments often trivialize the genuine feelings of someone experiencing rejection or rejection feelings.
Minimizing remarks can also lead to invalidating someone's lived experience, discouraging the open expression of pain and vulnerability, and blocking the way to genuine connection.
Whenever I'm around people who make light of something that feels painful to me, telling me to either "buck up" or "stop being so sensitive," the cumulative effect can lead me to stuffing those feelings down further and even harboring a great deal of shame about it.
The effects of dismissive attitudes can eventually spiral into increased feelings of isolation, lowered self-esteem, and intense loneliness.
In a community where many guys come to the table with rejection baggage that includes various forms of childhood trauma, "stuffed feelings" can create a lot of issues for everyone involved.
Responding to Dismissive Comments
One of the best ways to respond to a dismissive remark is to pause, step back, and reflect on the situation.
That's what I did with the commentor to my video. My knee-jerk reaction was to bare my fangs and scratch their eyes out! Ha!
Instead, I took a walk with my dog and reflected. What were they really asking and how could I shed more light on the topic?
In doing this, I was simultaneously affirming what I knew about the topic through personal experience while also giving them space to ask about it.
In today's highly polarized world, feelings like outrage and judgment often cloud sensibility and openness to understanding.
Everyone's quick to jump all over everyone else on triggering topics, especially ones affecting marginalized communities.
If anything, giving space for reflection, helps establish a boundary that ensures your wellbeing stays intact.
Disclaimer:
The information and perspectives shared in my posts, articles and videos are based on my personal experiences and reflections. I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or medical professional, and this content should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you are experiencing distress, depression, or mental health challenges, please reach out to a qualified professional who can provide the help you need.
For immediate support, contact a mental health provider or, if you are in crisis, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (available in the U.S.) or your local emergency number.